Although she never said it directly, Humphrey knew that Isabella was broken inside. After such an intense ordeal, there was no way that anyone could function normally again, not even one as stunning as she.
Humphrey and Isabella were going about their daily corner store indulgence, taking advantage of their mates rate with the owner of the shop, Derek. Scanning the rusty old shelves for anything they might need or more rather want, they tried to shop as quickly as they possibly could to get out of the hot, unairconditioned store. But suddenly the indulgence became a nightmare. Boom! The petrifying sound of a gunshot hitting the roof startled everyone within the mildewy walls of the building. Everybody dropped to the ground covering their ears and helplessly screaming to nobody. Isabella and Humphrey's hearts were pounding against their chest and their head was still ringing from the sound of the gunshot. A man with a grey, cotton jumper with a hood charged toward the cash register. He wore plain clothes all over and had a ski mask that was covering his young face.
'Give me the money!', the man holding up the store ordered to Derek while vigorously pointing the shiny handgun at him. Derek stood there unable to move, but shaking vigorously. 'Give me the money, now, or I will shoot everyone in here until you do!' bellowed the man so everyone could hear. Knowing Derek, Humphrey and Isabella both knew that there was no chance that Derek would give up that money, especially as he had worked so hard for it. Their heart was pumping more and more harder and their chests began to start throbbing with immense pain. They had to get out of hear now.
Humphrey seemed to be handling it better than Isabella, who was pale white and stunned. But Humphrey signalled subtly toward the door which was wide open and behind the man. Isabella immediately knew the plan and started to steadily rush to the door on all fours. They were both just about to crawl out of the door when there was another gunshot but this time it was followed by a man's scream of agony. The people in the shop panicked most of them with blood splattered all over their clothes and faces. This was enough to distract the criminal. Humphrey and Isabella jumped up as fast as they could and sprinted away, their legs feeling like jelly still shaking with fear.
Later they found out that Derek did not make it through and Isabella could not handle that, for he was the one she loved.
OK...there are a few things here. Don't bother ever writing about gunshot-robbery-murder style stories ever again. They bore your marker because that's all boys write about. Be a bit more creative!
ReplyDeleteThen, you just throw out there that she loved Derek?!?! It wasn't mentioned at all or even hinted at, so you need to make sure that your story makes sense. Can you see what I mean?
Solid spelling and grammar but there are errors in this too.
15/20